Baby S was born and given back to her parents on October 15 at 3:43 pm. Love filled every inch of her delivery room.
On Sunday evening (her due date) shortly after getting into bed, I started noticing contractions. They were nothing big - perfectly manageable with just laying and breathing. They were coming around every 5-7 minutes. This continued the entire night which left me sleeping less than 20 minutes at any given time.
6am came around and I was just not feeling the greatest. I will spare some details there. I put a call into my amazing Doula and then the hospital to see what they wanted me to do. We decided to continue timing contractions (which still were lasting about 1 minute and coming every 4-5). I told my husband there was going to be a birthday and he should start calling into work for a sub and the kids schools. My husband started prepping everyone to leave for my parents - where the kids would be staying while we were at the hospital. We decided around 9:45am to start our drive south. My grandma was going to watch the kids at my parents for us until my mom got home from work early afternoon so we picked her up, and brought everyone to my parents. Contractions were lasting 1 minute and coming about every 3-4 at this point.
We arrived and met the parents and my doula at 11:15am in the lobby of the hospital. My husband and the dad sat and talked while the mom, my doula and I walked around in the hospital for almost an hour before checking in.
Last week when at my OB appointment I was dilated 3 so when we checked in to be monitored for the 20 minutes, I was hoping to see a bit of progression. I was about a 4. Not bad, but honestly not as much as I had been hoping for. The second the 20 minutes were up, I was up and getting in the large tub to labor for awhile. Contractions were still lasting 1 minute and coming about every 2.
I need to pause here and say - I could not have had more amazing people at my side during this time. My doula, who had been with me for 2 prior births of my own kids, my husband who recalled everything that was helpful in the past and the parents who were ready and willing to step in and help in every way possible. From counter pressure during contractions, to back rubs and jokes - so many jokes - I could not have been more grateful for each and every one of them during all of this. I felt nothing but love as they were preparing their own hearts for the arrival of their sweet baby. Our nurse as well was a true gem. She checked in, kept things light, was not pushy about checks or IVs or anything of the sort (just that they needed to happen at some point).
I want to say I was in the tub about an hour, maybe hour and a half before deciding to get out for another check. Our nurse checked ... and I was only at 5cm. I will be honest here, it was a blow. I was hoping to be closer to 10 at this point. My water at this point was still in tact as well. She mentioned it was pretty thick but was sitting "right there" and was seemingly acting as a sling, in a sense, for baby which was causing her to not descend further. She gave us her expert opinion, and said if we broke waters - she thought labor would speed up quite a bit faster (Minor backstory - our third baby was born in his amniotic sac before it broke because it was so thick!). After a very quick consult with my doula, we decided to go for it and have them break the waters.
The OB who was originally going to deliver/be with us was in another delivery, so we got to meet the on call Midwife. She as well was amazing. She walked us through everything that was going on ... and broke the amniotic sac.
Things start to get a little intense at this point. There was meconium present in the fluids which meant the NICU team would be called in and ready if there was a need when baby was born. I became worried for baby's safety, and also for myself not knowing if this meant an automatic c-section (it did not). No questions asked though, I would have done anything for baby to come into this world in the safest way possible.
The minute she broke waters, I went from 5cm dilated to 10cm and pushing in 2 contractions flat. It was the most intense, and in a way scary few minutes because of how fast everything was moving. I will admit I was not ready for that or expecting it. The midwife never moved from where she was because of how fast things went. I had to remain on my back and in the bed just because of how fast everything was moving - not my ideal vision but it was what worked. A few times my doula had to put me back in check - I did say once I could "not do this" - but she reminded me I was/am strong and yes I could. I knew I could and would do it. I recall my husband looking at the parents while I was pushing/in between pushes as we got very close that that they really needed to watch their baby coming out - because they would only have this one chance and it would not happen again. My husband thinks birth is a pretty cool thing so I am happy he was there to help them know where to look. Earlier in the day he mentioned jokingly to not worry about where they were looking because soon all modesty would be out the window!
I was not closely watching the clock, but I believe within 10 minutes baby came out and was placed on my chest. It was the plan that I would hand her to mom - which still somehow happened with help. I was given the honor of sharing to the parents that they had a sweet baby girl (a secret I have been holding since the 20 week anatomy scan!) - and let me tell you that was such a gift to tell and watch their faces! SUCH a gift. I believe I said something to mom along the lines of "here is your baby girl". You guys - my heart exploded with happiness in that moment. Dad came back a minute later asking if it was a boy or girl because I think he was just too excited to really take in what just happened!!
Baby girl was taken quickly from mom to be checked out and very shortly after being placed in the warmer gave that beautiful baby cry. She was 8lbs 15oz and 22 inches! Not the biggest in pounds baby I have delivered, but for sure the longest!! And she was (and is) beautiful.
Mom started skin to skin once baby was cleared (no need for NICU time thankfully!) right next to my bed. It was again a gift to see their first moments bonding and taking each other in while work on me was finished up by the midwife.
(Maybe too much information for some ... but I somehow escaped this without any tearing. I believe the midwife was a huge factor in how she handled baby/me during the delivery). We spent about an hour or 2 in the delivery room as a group and then everyone was moved into our own rooms, next to each other, for recovery and bonding.
Reflecting a bit. I have always felt lucky to be in a position to even be a surrogate. People would say how amazing it was I was doing this, the gift it was, ect. I will say while I knew how big it was - I never realized the full enormity of it until the moment baby girl was placed back in her parents arms. In that moment a family came together and dreams were made. It is still hard to describe the feeling of it - but it is something I will never forget and something I feel so lucky to have to hold onto. I am so, so excited for this family and feel nothing but incredible love for them.
I gave space to the family the rest of the evening and nurses during checks let me know they were all smiles and cuddling with their sweet little one. That was all I needed to hear. You don't get much sleep in a hospital so I wont say that necessarily happened for me- but I did watch some garbage tv and no one asked me for a cup of water or chocolate milk. So there was that. And there was ice - hospitals have the best ice. I admit though I did miss my own little humans and husband during the night. My husband stayed for a bit and then left to go back to my parents to take care of the kids there for the night. He brought them up around noon on Tuesday to meet the baby and prepare for my discharge from the hospital. My kids - especially my older two - were instantly in love with her. They were so excited holding her and just taking her in as the little person she was - not just the baby in my tummy they had come to love. They sang, read books to her and just hung out. My oldest did cry when it was time to say goodbye - she has such a sensitive heart and I was curious how that goodbye would go. I reminded her that she would always be able to send pictures, letters - see pictures and keep in contact with the parents and baby. I also reminded her how important her (and her siblings) roles were through all of this. They were a huge part in helping bring this family back together - from sacrificing things they wanted to do because I simply couldn't, to supporting me in their own ways and just loving this baby as she grew with us until this moment ... I hope one day she can fully understand how big this was for her as well. And who knows - hopefully there will be a day we can visit and see them in person again - I know our family would love to at some point.
There are people I need to thank in my own life that helped me make this all work. Because it was never just me.
My husband. From the from mention of "I want to be a surrogate" he kept an open mind. We talked, researched, discussed ... and he supported me every step of the way. Always made sure I knew he was there and trusted me. From travel and transfer, nausea and cravings ... to the aches and pains and being completely in the moment where I delivered another couple's child. I could not have gone through this without him. Babe - I love you so much and I am so lucky to have such a strong partner in life and role model for our kids.
Our kids. We talked about everything with them and took in their feelings. And they opened their hearts to the idea of me doing this for another family. To loving on a baby for months and months ... to having to say goodbye (for now) to a baby they came to love and want to help take care of in my belly. They always knew this baby would be born and live with its mommy and daddy ... but as much as you can never prepare your own heart for things - I knew we could never fully prepare theirs. They have taken on a love for another family that I never fully realized was possible at such a young age. Their excitement for them, talking to baby about her parents while she was in my belly ... everything. I always have been, but will say it again - I am such a proud mom to my own children through everything they have allowed me to do for someone else.
To my parents - for trusting me that I knew what I was doing - that we knew what was right even when it may have seemed crazy. For taking on our kids multiple times and sometimes last minute. We knew we would need help to do this - and you were there. And my grandma for her last minute willingness to take on 3 kids while I was laboring. Knowing they were safe and taken care of allowed me to do what needed to be done in the final hours.
To my father in law for support and a late night here and there when we called. Knowing the kids were safe, taken care of and loved - while we made sure we got done what was needed means the world. I know it wasn't always easy to understand but it meant a lot to have still had your support for our kids.
To my amazing, amazing Doula. Once again you were a support from the first moment I mentioned this journey to the birth and even right now in this moment. You have this amazing way of knowing what is needed in any given moment that is magical - both in the labor and delivery room and beyond. Thank you for reminding me I am strong and making me realize it when I was wavering. To have been able to have you guide us through 3 births now is a gift. I could not have imagined any of this without you and I am so happy to know you as both my doula and friend.
To our family and friends and coworkers - for your love and support from the first time we mentioned what we were doing, to the birth of this sweet baby girl. And not only for us, but for this family you have never met and know nothing about - beyond that we were connected to them.
I am still processing so many feelings/emotions. None of them sad about baby/parents going home - just to be clear. I am so, SO excited to hear of the joy this baby brings to her parents. I wish everyone could know this incredible family - however you will just have to trust me. I walked out of the hospital with a huge smile feeling so calm about everything that had happened over the past few days - and months - and year.
Thank you for taking the time to read, the time to leave comments for me - I truly have read every single one and they mean so much. I consider myself an open book if anyone has any questions - please feel free to ask.
Much love,
Kristen
On Sunday evening (her due date) shortly after getting into bed, I started noticing contractions. They were nothing big - perfectly manageable with just laying and breathing. They were coming around every 5-7 minutes. This continued the entire night which left me sleeping less than 20 minutes at any given time.
6am came around and I was just not feeling the greatest. I will spare some details there. I put a call into my amazing Doula and then the hospital to see what they wanted me to do. We decided to continue timing contractions (which still were lasting about 1 minute and coming every 4-5). I told my husband there was going to be a birthday and he should start calling into work for a sub and the kids schools. My husband started prepping everyone to leave for my parents - where the kids would be staying while we were at the hospital. We decided around 9:45am to start our drive south. My grandma was going to watch the kids at my parents for us until my mom got home from work early afternoon so we picked her up, and brought everyone to my parents. Contractions were lasting 1 minute and coming about every 3-4 at this point.
We arrived and met the parents and my doula at 11:15am in the lobby of the hospital. My husband and the dad sat and talked while the mom, my doula and I walked around in the hospital for almost an hour before checking in.
Last week when at my OB appointment I was dilated 3 so when we checked in to be monitored for the 20 minutes, I was hoping to see a bit of progression. I was about a 4. Not bad, but honestly not as much as I had been hoping for. The second the 20 minutes were up, I was up and getting in the large tub to labor for awhile. Contractions were still lasting 1 minute and coming about every 2.
I need to pause here and say - I could not have had more amazing people at my side during this time. My doula, who had been with me for 2 prior births of my own kids, my husband who recalled everything that was helpful in the past and the parents who were ready and willing to step in and help in every way possible. From counter pressure during contractions, to back rubs and jokes - so many jokes - I could not have been more grateful for each and every one of them during all of this. I felt nothing but love as they were preparing their own hearts for the arrival of their sweet baby. Our nurse as well was a true gem. She checked in, kept things light, was not pushy about checks or IVs or anything of the sort (just that they needed to happen at some point).
I want to say I was in the tub about an hour, maybe hour and a half before deciding to get out for another check. Our nurse checked ... and I was only at 5cm. I will be honest here, it was a blow. I was hoping to be closer to 10 at this point. My water at this point was still in tact as well. She mentioned it was pretty thick but was sitting "right there" and was seemingly acting as a sling, in a sense, for baby which was causing her to not descend further. She gave us her expert opinion, and said if we broke waters - she thought labor would speed up quite a bit faster (Minor backstory - our third baby was born in his amniotic sac before it broke because it was so thick!). After a very quick consult with my doula, we decided to go for it and have them break the waters.
The OB who was originally going to deliver/be with us was in another delivery, so we got to meet the on call Midwife. She as well was amazing. She walked us through everything that was going on ... and broke the amniotic sac.
Things start to get a little intense at this point. There was meconium present in the fluids which meant the NICU team would be called in and ready if there was a need when baby was born. I became worried for baby's safety, and also for myself not knowing if this meant an automatic c-section (it did not). No questions asked though, I would have done anything for baby to come into this world in the safest way possible.
The minute she broke waters, I went from 5cm dilated to 10cm and pushing in 2 contractions flat. It was the most intense, and in a way scary few minutes because of how fast everything was moving. I will admit I was not ready for that or expecting it. The midwife never moved from where she was because of how fast things went. I had to remain on my back and in the bed just because of how fast everything was moving - not my ideal vision but it was what worked. A few times my doula had to put me back in check - I did say once I could "not do this" - but she reminded me I was/am strong and yes I could. I knew I could and would do it. I recall my husband looking at the parents while I was pushing/in between pushes as we got very close that that they really needed to watch their baby coming out - because they would only have this one chance and it would not happen again. My husband thinks birth is a pretty cool thing so I am happy he was there to help them know where to look. Earlier in the day he mentioned jokingly to not worry about where they were looking because soon all modesty would be out the window!
I was not closely watching the clock, but I believe within 10 minutes baby came out and was placed on my chest. It was the plan that I would hand her to mom - which still somehow happened with help. I was given the honor of sharing to the parents that they had a sweet baby girl (a secret I have been holding since the 20 week anatomy scan!) - and let me tell you that was such a gift to tell and watch their faces! SUCH a gift. I believe I said something to mom along the lines of "here is your baby girl". You guys - my heart exploded with happiness in that moment. Dad came back a minute later asking if it was a boy or girl because I think he was just too excited to really take in what just happened!!
Baby girl was taken quickly from mom to be checked out and very shortly after being placed in the warmer gave that beautiful baby cry. She was 8lbs 15oz and 22 inches! Not the biggest in pounds baby I have delivered, but for sure the longest!! And she was (and is) beautiful.
Mom started skin to skin once baby was cleared (no need for NICU time thankfully!) right next to my bed. It was again a gift to see their first moments bonding and taking each other in while work on me was finished up by the midwife.
(Maybe too much information for some ... but I somehow escaped this without any tearing. I believe the midwife was a huge factor in how she handled baby/me during the delivery). We spent about an hour or 2 in the delivery room as a group and then everyone was moved into our own rooms, next to each other, for recovery and bonding.
Reflecting a bit. I have always felt lucky to be in a position to even be a surrogate. People would say how amazing it was I was doing this, the gift it was, ect. I will say while I knew how big it was - I never realized the full enormity of it until the moment baby girl was placed back in her parents arms. In that moment a family came together and dreams were made. It is still hard to describe the feeling of it - but it is something I will never forget and something I feel so lucky to have to hold onto. I am so, so excited for this family and feel nothing but incredible love for them.
I gave space to the family the rest of the evening and nurses during checks let me know they were all smiles and cuddling with their sweet little one. That was all I needed to hear. You don't get much sleep in a hospital so I wont say that necessarily happened for me- but I did watch some garbage tv and no one asked me for a cup of water or chocolate milk. So there was that. And there was ice - hospitals have the best ice. I admit though I did miss my own little humans and husband during the night. My husband stayed for a bit and then left to go back to my parents to take care of the kids there for the night. He brought them up around noon on Tuesday to meet the baby and prepare for my discharge from the hospital. My kids - especially my older two - were instantly in love with her. They were so excited holding her and just taking her in as the little person she was - not just the baby in my tummy they had come to love. They sang, read books to her and just hung out. My oldest did cry when it was time to say goodbye - she has such a sensitive heart and I was curious how that goodbye would go. I reminded her that she would always be able to send pictures, letters - see pictures and keep in contact with the parents and baby. I also reminded her how important her (and her siblings) roles were through all of this. They were a huge part in helping bring this family back together - from sacrificing things they wanted to do because I simply couldn't, to supporting me in their own ways and just loving this baby as she grew with us until this moment ... I hope one day she can fully understand how big this was for her as well. And who knows - hopefully there will be a day we can visit and see them in person again - I know our family would love to at some point.
There are people I need to thank in my own life that helped me make this all work. Because it was never just me.
My husband. From the from mention of "I want to be a surrogate" he kept an open mind. We talked, researched, discussed ... and he supported me every step of the way. Always made sure I knew he was there and trusted me. From travel and transfer, nausea and cravings ... to the aches and pains and being completely in the moment where I delivered another couple's child. I could not have gone through this without him. Babe - I love you so much and I am so lucky to have such a strong partner in life and role model for our kids.
Our kids. We talked about everything with them and took in their feelings. And they opened their hearts to the idea of me doing this for another family. To loving on a baby for months and months ... to having to say goodbye (for now) to a baby they came to love and want to help take care of in my belly. They always knew this baby would be born and live with its mommy and daddy ... but as much as you can never prepare your own heart for things - I knew we could never fully prepare theirs. They have taken on a love for another family that I never fully realized was possible at such a young age. Their excitement for them, talking to baby about her parents while she was in my belly ... everything. I always have been, but will say it again - I am such a proud mom to my own children through everything they have allowed me to do for someone else.
To my parents - for trusting me that I knew what I was doing - that we knew what was right even when it may have seemed crazy. For taking on our kids multiple times and sometimes last minute. We knew we would need help to do this - and you were there. And my grandma for her last minute willingness to take on 3 kids while I was laboring. Knowing they were safe and taken care of allowed me to do what needed to be done in the final hours.
To my father in law for support and a late night here and there when we called. Knowing the kids were safe, taken care of and loved - while we made sure we got done what was needed means the world. I know it wasn't always easy to understand but it meant a lot to have still had your support for our kids.
To my amazing, amazing Doula. Once again you were a support from the first moment I mentioned this journey to the birth and even right now in this moment. You have this amazing way of knowing what is needed in any given moment that is magical - both in the labor and delivery room and beyond. Thank you for reminding me I am strong and making me realize it when I was wavering. To have been able to have you guide us through 3 births now is a gift. I could not have imagined any of this without you and I am so happy to know you as both my doula and friend.
To our family and friends and coworkers - for your love and support from the first time we mentioned what we were doing, to the birth of this sweet baby girl. And not only for us, but for this family you have never met and know nothing about - beyond that we were connected to them.
I am still processing so many feelings/emotions. None of them sad about baby/parents going home - just to be clear. I am so, SO excited to hear of the joy this baby brings to her parents. I wish everyone could know this incredible family - however you will just have to trust me. I walked out of the hospital with a huge smile feeling so calm about everything that had happened over the past few days - and months - and year.
Thank you for taking the time to read, the time to leave comments for me - I truly have read every single one and they mean so much. I consider myself an open book if anyone has any questions - please feel free to ask.
Much love,
Kristen
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