Final post of 2017

What a year it has been! Every year seems to go by a little faster, despite trying to slow it down. I suppose that is all one can do - slow down and enjoy the journey!

We picked back up on our surrogacy journey in January of this year, so seems fitting the transfer should occur in January of this upcoming. 27 days to go if we remain on track.

Lupron is going well. My oldest 2 insisted on watching me today do the injection and the younger kept saying "ow ow ow I feel it - it hurts!" - she makes me laugh. The injection itself does not hurt but the headaches from it - have been rough. I was able to cuddle up with my youngest and grab a 2.5 hour nap yesterday. Though the headache really never went away, it was not as bad. I am going to head to the chiropractor this next week for a session or two and continue leading up to transfer.

I might also splurge (we can call it a late birthday gift to myself) and buy a shoulder/neck massager on amazon. The reviews are good, and the lady looks pretty happy (joke there, btw). I tend to get really tight in my shoulder area and hold tension there. So it really cant hurt, right? Has anyone tried one before they can recommend?

I take my last birth control pill tomorrow - yay! One less thing to remember ... for a bit. Then more will be added. Everything is laid out pretty clearly so I don't anticipate any issues!

-21 when I left the house this morning to go get gas and grocery shop. I was pretty jealous of everyone at home but there was no way we could wait another day and no way everyone was coming with. So off I went. I might have taken a little extra time walking around Target since I was alone - there were not many people out (I wonder why!) when I arrived and it was just starting to pick up when I left. 

I suppose I can be cheesy here and say ... until next year!!

Here we go

Injection #1 happened today. I did not stress about it and it was a good thing because I did not feel it. As my kids would say "easy peasy" (though they were very nervous for me).
I enjoyed a day out with  my family yesterday for my birthday - grabbed my favorite coffee treat from Starbucks and went to a local hibachi place for an early dinner! We spent most of today putting away Christmas and getting the house reorganized with all the new treasures that entered from Christmas celebrations. I hope it warms up a little so we can go to our favorite little hill and take the kids sledding one afternoon! No one (with good reason) wants to go out when it has been below zero the past few days!!

Flowers and Calendars

I had been watching for my med delivery today and I must have missed the delivery person by a matter of minutes while changing laundry because I noticed a package outside and it was most certainly not medications!

Aren't they beautiful?! They are a gift from our IPs. I might have moved them a few times now trying to find the best place to keep them - I think the dining room table wins out though since I can see it from most rooms on the main floor :)
(side note: I realized I really should find a more winter themed tablecloth!)

I had been thinking about how everything coming together before the years end seemed like the perfect way to head into the new year!

My med calendar arrived in my inbox this morning - I begin on the 28th. Which means, I can enjoy that one last cup of coffee on my birthday the day before! Seems pretty fitting :)

Legally ...

CLEARED!

And what an exciting feeling! As of Friday evening we were officially done with legal. We have an intended transfer date which is super exciting!! Not too much more now - I am pretty tired after a day with family and getting up at 4:30 this morning to teach .... but I will update again soon.

Oh, I know I said this in the last post ... but this nausea? Oh man. My husband is already poking fun at me with the random gagging. I hope it goes away soon - that was NOT the side effect I figured would show up when I started on the birth control!! But, staying positive ... just would not be upset if it went away soon ;)

the end ... to the beginning

It feels like forever since updating ... maybe not forever but a little bit at least. I started birth control - which I have not been on in over 7 years. It is making me incredibly nauseated. Which I read can be a common side effect in the first few weeks of starting it. Nausea is not on my list of top 10 things I enjoy, to say the least. But I am trying to take it in stride and just deal. Lots of water and eating small meals through out the day tends to help! I have been on a huge kick of home made soups and chili lately - and my instant pot makes it so easy. I have to say - I LOVE watching snow fall and the look of fresh snow. I also love the soups and stews that come along with winter. Driving in it and wet shoes - no thanks. I can leave that aspect! So now that I am off track ... let's refocus.

We have been in legal for about 2 or so weeks I think .. I might have lost track a bit, it happens.
I really have no idea what I was expecting. I knew there would be back and forth, some give and take. It was not awful, but not fun. I can't imagine anyone really likes being in negotiations.
I know we are, and I hope our IPs are completely comfortable and happy. It is interesting to watch language evolve and hope that your intentions are coming across how you want them to. It is so hard when you can not explain yourself directly!
My husband is involved with negotiations with his work often, so he knows how things go. He stepped back and had me navigate (of course giving opinion when he had it and supporting me - this has always been our decision so he was not going to take a total back seat) - and it was really empowering, and scary at times. But we have a great attorney who led us through everything step by step - never judged when we had questions and explained things that maybe I was reading or understanding differently.

I am so excited to move forward and I sure hope our IPs are too with us!
So as this journey of medical work ups, legal and no direct communication with the IPs, ends ... we are beginning a whole new journey of getting to talk to one another and get to know each other more as this process moves forward. It is starting medications and receiving our calendar that will lead us up to the transfer!

Until next time!

Some questions and answers

I thought I would put together a little question/answer page of some things I have been asked when someone finds out I am going to be a surrogate. If you have any of your own questions - let me know! I would love to update the page for others who may be wondering the same thing(s)!



Why did you want to become a surrogate?
Besides the initial morning sickness in the start, I have been lucky to have had 3 easy, non-complicated pregnancies. I actually am one of those people who enjoy pregnancy (and birth!) and everything that comes with it.
I can not imagine life without my kids. It is hard to imagine the roller coaster of emotions that comes with infertility and I never have pretended I could.
So putting those together, it was an easy decision. Why not help a couple grow/create their family, when I really enjoyed the entire process of growing/creating my own?!

Is it your baby?
- No! Not at all. I am a gestational surrogate, which means the genetic materials used were of the IPs (intended parents). The IM (intended mother) had her eggs retrieved and they used the IFs (intended fathers) sperm (or donor sperm and eggs!). I am simply the "oven", if you will, for this baby. Isn't science completely awesome?!


I could never be a surrogate. I would be too sad to give it up. 
- First off, with that thinking no, you probably could not be a surrogate. I am not giving up anything, because the baby was never mine to start with! What I am giving is a family the chance to grow their family. I am reuniting the IPs with their baby when s/he is born! I can not even begin to imagine the emotions in that moment - but sad does not come to mind when I think about it!

How much do you get paid? How much to the parents pay?
- Compensation and costs vary. It depends on your agency, type of surrogacy (gestational vs traditional), if you live in a surro-friendly state (some states it is illegal to be compensated as a surrogate) and many many other factors. This process is far from inexpensive for the IPs. I will not go into a specifics here about our situation, but a quick google search can bring up a general idea and why costs might vary. If I was doing this for the money, I would not be doing it at all.

What will your kids think?
- We have had some talks with the older two. Our oldest thinks that it is really neat and asked if it was okay to call the baby her 'surrosibling'. She understands that the baby isn't related to her, like her sister and brother, and that when born the baby will go live with his/her parents. We plan on being very open with the kids and reminding them we are lucky to take really good care of the baby until s/he is ready to come earthside and meet its mommy and daddy. We hope the kids will be able to meet the baby before it heads back to its home!


Will you get pictures or see the baby after the baby goes home?
We hope to remain in contact with our IPs! That was  really important to me when going into matching that we could have a relationship of some kind after. I can not imagine connecting and going through such an emotional journey to then not speak after!

Ultrasound Results

I had my second blood draw and first ultrasound today to check my lining thickness.
I have not received the results on where my Estradiol levels are at - however my lining is measuring at 16mm! It was 7mm last month at my medical work up (they want it over 8mm). Needless to say, everyone is thrilled with the results!
Below is a random picture I grabbed while getting dressed again. Does it look like a heart to anyone else?

Funny story - my youngest two came along since I knew it would be a quick appointment and they tend to do really well while out and about (and they did - I was very proud!). My middle decided she would rather watch the ultrasound (transvaginal, by the way) than youtube kids with her brother. Right in the middle she looks at the tech and says "what are you looking at?! My mothers skull?!!!!". It might not be as funny as it was probably a "you had to be there" moment. But either way - it was neat how much she actually paid attention and how many questions she was asking! (I did answer in a simplified way for her). She was also pretty upset that they were drawing my blood for the lab workup. I had to constantly reassure her that I was okay.

Now I am on two patches every 2 days plus one prometrium tablet vaginally 3 times daily for 10 days.  Let me be honest here -  I am not looking forward to the tablet. But it is only 10 days and will fly by I am sure!

That is about it for now again!

4 + 4 = ultrasound

I removed my 3 and placed 4 more patches on today. I am waiting for the usual headache to show. I think I am almost past my neeeeeeeeeed ( <-- big need) for caffeine at this point.
But I have the 4 patches today, and Sunday I will remove these and place 4 more before my ultrasound and blood draw on Tuesday!

My little two have been awesome this week playing together, and helping out. So I decided after lunch we would make some cookies - chocolate chip was their request! Since I can not have chocolate right now, I separated a little bit of dough out and made some chipless cookies for myself! The kids and I are having a movie and cuddles night tonight since my husband will be gone - so I needed to make sure I had a small treat too! 

I will probably update next after my appointments ... fingers crossed everything looks perfect!

Patches and Pokes

Nothing too much to update. I am on week 2 of patches. Today I started wearing more than 1 at a time (today is 2, Wednesday will be 3, Friday will be 4 and Sunday 4). I had a blood draw today and will have an ultrasound and blood draw next Tuesday.
I also scheduled an acupuncture session for tomorrow evening! I have never had acupuncture done so I am excited to see what it is all about.
And really ... that is the extent of where I am at and what is going on. No headaches so far today ... which is a good thing. I was nervous to see how wearing more than one patch might affect me. I guess we will see what the rest of the week brings! All for good reason though. Headaches are pretty minor in the big picture!

Update: my Estradiol levels (what they were checking at the blood draw) came back at 57 and they wanted them above 50 - so we are on the right track!!!

patch 3

This morning I placed my 3rd patch (removing the previous each time). As with the last two I have noticed a headache a few hours after placing it. I think it is just a side effect at this point I am noticing - I was hesitant to call it that with the first patch but after 3 now it seems more than a coincidence. I have also noticed a little bit of a sore throat - which has gone away by the second day of wearing.
I wish I could blame being tired on it ... but being up at 1 and 4am the past two nights certainly has not helped my case in that area!

I am also starting to look at acupuncture and making an appointment. I would love to try and get a few sessions in prior to transfer (we still are going through legal and my mock, so that has not been set yet) just to make sure I have truly done everything I could on my end!

Sunday start

I officially placed my first patch today for the mock cycle. I am hoping I will not see many side effects from this. I do have a headache but I am not associating that with the patch just yet - seems a bit early! What I can assume is my headache is from working non-stop at my sewing machine the past two days getting Christmas dresses done for 2 of my kids. We go see our favorite Santa next week (I refuse to step foot in a mall after Thanksgiving!) so I wanted to have their dresses done. Maybe I can crank out two tunics for Thanksgiving since Christmas outfits are done so early! I am dying to try a new pattern. I might not have mentioned I love sewing - something about picking out fabrics, trims, the perfect pattern and watching it all come together with each stitch. And my kids love anything mama-made still so I am going to do this as long as they will let me!! Anyways - we will see if the headaches continue tomorrow!

So as I said in the start - I started the meds for my mock cycle today. Yay. I will have a blood draw on the 13th and an ultrasound and blood draw on the 21st to see how things are going! I am crossing my fingers that we will be in a good place after this first cycle and will not need to run a second to make any additional changes!

I am a part of a great group of surrogates and we have a group chat once a month. We just had our call this month and it was fun to see where everyone was at in their journey! Some pregnant and nearing the end, some just finished transfer, and some like me - are at the start! It is really nice to have that support though to go along with our other support systems!

Until next time!

meds and mocks and more

While at the fertility clinic they determined I would be doing a mock cycle during my next. I got the call from the fertility pharmacy that my meds would be arriving on FRIDAY! Now, I wont start taking them right away, but they will be here and ready to go when my next cycle shows.

It is also really chilly (I wont say cold because it isn't below 0* and there is no snow). So coffee in my favorite mug was needed this morning. My best person lives in Colorado and was happy to add to my Starbucks mug collection (she's the BEST)! Maybe during my next travel I will be able to grab one for our transfer location! Colorado is my favorite state to visit though - so this makes me smile.  I also love fall and pumpkins - so there's that :)

Until next time...

workup::completed!

My husband and I flew out for my medical workup Thursday evening (workup was Friday). For the most part - everything went really well! And the only thing that did not was our flight out. I have not flown Southwest and did not know that you needed to check in 24 hours in advance to get a better zone for boarding since seating is not assigned. We were in the final zone and ended up not having seats together - which was a pretty big bummer. We chose to bring everything in our carry on as we did not want to go through the baggage claim (which, did not matter because we had to gate check our bags anyways) so I counted on having him to talk to (and his hand to squeeze because take off and landing makes me very nervous!) during the flight. And no one around us would change spots - which actually surprised me a bit. I would happily volunteer as a single traveler to move and allow a couple to sit near each other if they were not able to! But we survived. I joked with my husband that some day we would spring for first class and act like we had very important business to attend to at our destination :) I also had to make the joke that we never sit by each other (not complaining, just observing)- because we almost always have some combination of kids separating us - and now even with them at home with grammie and pop pops - we STILL could not sit together! At least we can joke about things though - and we always tend to have fun no matter what the situation.
The most important part - we arrived safely after an hour delay due to a water leak (let's just not relive that, haha).
We enjoyed dinner at a local Mexican restaurant. To be honest ... it was average. The food that is - I would not recommend going there. The company was great though! I truly can not remember the last time I went to dinner alone with my husband. We decided to wander a bit, spent about 30 minutes at the local mall just walking and then headed back to the hotel. Our bed, by the way - was like sleeping on puffy little clouds. It might have just been how tired I was from traveling and the day - but I fell asleep faster and woke up more rested than I have in a long time - I should have looked at the mattress they had!

We had our first appointment at 8am. Everyone at the fertility clinic was amazing to be around. We felt like we have known them for a while - which was really nice. While I was there excited for this part of our journey, I could not help but think that so many were here and not because they wanted to be and that made me pause a minute just to think.

We started with an ultrasound and everything looked great. Nothing really major to report. My lining measured a 7 and they want it at an 8 (the least I think - I am not sure what the max they want is). Next was the Hysteroscopy and annual exam. I was a little nervous about the hysteroscopy - but it was done and over before I really realized anything was going on. They warned I might get some pain in my shoulder ... and did I ever! It really hit during our counseling session. I had to apologize and tell her I was not making faces about being in the room ... but my shoulder hurt really bad! I took some ibproufin and it soon resided. The counseling session went really well - and before we knew it that was over with as well! I also took the PAI again while there. I preferred it this time since it was on computer versus the paper/pencil version I took a few months ago. I did not have to worry about filling in the wrong circles on the sheet this time! (Before the exam they were SO very kind to offer up some caffeine in coffee form - I was very thankful. I stopped all caffeine last Sunday just to make sure I was ready for Friday, even though they requested only 72 hours). We spent some time chatting with the nurse coordinator - which again, went really well. They talked about meds, how they are given, when, different versions (for instance, there is a shot and a suppository version of one), timelines, ect. And we ended with labs. I think my husband counted around 10 vials from me and a few less from himself!

We will be doing a mock cycle because of my lining. They want to be able to see what drugs/doses will be needed to get it where they want it for the transfer. As much as a bummer that is - I also want it perfect for transfer day. So I can not be too bummed out about making sure everything is how it needs to be! It also gives me time to get started on a vitamin D supplement (I was low) and some prenatal vitamins! I picked those up already today!

Now we wait for the rest of my test results to come back and start prepping for the mock cycle.
That disconnected I talked about before ... total turn around from that. Now I am counting down the days until the start of my next cycle so we can get going on the mock!!

Until next time!!

Oh - and it isn't the greatest quality photo - but this was during our descent today - aren't the colors beautiful!

medical workup

My medical workup at the fertility clinic is fast approaching - just over 2 weeks actually! Which makes my tummy flutter to think about. This has been - to repeat myself I am sure for the hundredth time - such a long process so far (thinking back that I originally starting talking with my agency in late 2014!). Seems weird to be so close to this next milestone in the journey. 
I hope nothing major comes up that would delay us going through legal and then onto meds - I feel great, I have had no change in anything health wise - but you just never know! I was told to expect low vitamin D levels, which does not surprise me living where I do (and most people come back with that anyways!).

We are flying out on a Thursday and returning home early that Saturday morning. It will be the first time we go anywhere far from our kids - so that makes me a little nervous and sad, however I am sure with what their Grammie has planned they have a bunch of fun while we are gone!

A bonus to the trip out there - my best friend lives near where we will be and I will get to see her and her family!

Random thoughts ...
I keep finding myself tempted to book a massage just so I can relax for an hour alone - and then I reason with myself the money could easily go elsewhere. What I should do is buy one of those wood massage roller things - I am betting my kiddos would love helping if we made it a game :) Anyone have any recommendations for one?
Also - it is October, which means pumpkin-all-the-things. My kiddos have been loving pumpkin bread - so we have been having a great time baking and wrapping up loaves to gift!

More updates after the workup!

disconnect and random thoughts

Repeating an earlier thought, so much of this process is hurry up and wait. And wait. And wait (and that is just my experience, I am assuming for IPs - this has been their process for so long).
Last time I chatted about a group chat we had - which was our first. Our second is coming up in the beginning of October. Prior to that it was putting a tentative date on the calendar for my medical work up at the fertility clinic. That is scheduled, but can change if my cycle does not start exactly on the day my app predicts. Right now my work up (if again, my cycle starts on the predicted day) will be on day 13 of my cycle. That is the very last day in that window it can. So with that, our plane tickets and hotel have not been booked, just in case it decides to come early (if it comes a day or two late - that is not big deal. They want to see you between day 5 and 13). So while we have this date in mind - we also realize it could change very quickly!
So there is this disconnect at the moment with the process since we are in this waiting limbo. It isn't a disinterest just to be clear - at the moment though life is continuing and this isn't at the forefront - if that makes sense. We are still very much excited to move forward! Once we start getting closer to my predicted cycle and our flights are booked - I think we will start feeling back in the groove again.

On a random note. I woke up this morning with a kink in my neck. Most mornings I wake up and am pretty sore (our bed ... stinks -not the smell stink for the record. I have a few other words but to remain pretty PG, it is just a really uncomfortable bed). I have never however woken up unable to turn my head to the left! At this moment I have tied a heating pad to my neck/upper back with a sweatshirt to try and help loosen it up for the rest of the day. Some day we will replace it. I think it is about due anyways. Though there is always something else that comes up or needs to happen first. I just remember that we are pretty blessed to have a king sized bed in a warm house to go to sleep in every night ... when so many are without. Especially recently with all the natural disasters.

So deep thoughts and random thoughts ... that might be it for this blog post.

Until next time...

group chat and cheese sticks

Not too much new to update with. I had my first conference call last night and am very excited to be connected to some local surrogates! I am hoping at some point in the near future to get to meet them in person.


In the car today on the way home from Target, my 4 year old started asking about babies. She has her own new baby doll she bought with her birthday gift card at the toy store Monday that has gone with us everywhere - which also means we bring her toy shopping cart everywhere we go so her baby has something to ride in :) She asked about how "the other lady's baby" will get into my belly (she randomly asks so I was not surprised). So far I have just simply answered "science is really cool and a doctor will help it get there". She said she was glad her brother was part of our family and asked if the other baby would have a family to love it. I said of course, I would just get to grow to belly in my tummy and we would take good care of him/her until the day they were born - then the baby would go with its mommy and daddy home to live.
Then she told me the grass was almost touching the sky so someone should mow it so the sun still peeks out - and that she wanted a cheese stick and some grapes while she played in her sand table when we got home.

Some days our conversations are a bit deeper than other days :)

Tentative date on the calendar

I received news last week that I was "paper cleared" (the doctor reviewed my medical file and has cleared me to come out for a full medical work up) with the reproductive clinic! We tried hard to fast track us out there just a few days later as I was still within the dates needed of my cycle - but it was just a little too late.
We now have a tentative date of October 19th to fly out, do the work up and fly home next day! It is exciting and nerve wracking (in a sense) all at once.
After that comes legal, followed by the start of medications which lead up to the transfer date!

It's a ...

MATCH!

We met the potential match the agency set up for us and they were spot on with everything. I smiled, laughed, I teared up - and my heart grew.
I wont be sharing details about who they are - where they live, ect. But just know they are amazing and while I am sad this is where their journey to growing their family has led them, I am thankful they are trusting me to be a part of it all.
I look forward to hearing this week from our case manager and learning what our next steps will be!

Dear IPs

Dear IPs,
We have only just met (that one time on a web chat) - but you are on this journey to grow your family and I am honored you chose me to join you. The trust in that is such a gift.  I did not come to the decision to become a surrogate in a days time. In fact, this has been building in my mind and in my heart for over 2 years now. While changes and events within my own family had us put this journey on hold for a while, I have never stopped thinking about who you might be and your story.
I will never pretend I know an ounce of your struggle that led you to this point. I can only guess this is not how you intended to grow your family. I can not begin to imagine the nerves you have going into this - having to learn to trust another woman to carry your baby(ies). Please know, I do not and never will take your incredible trust in me lightly. I imagine a million thoughts will go through your heads - Is she taking her prenatal vitamins? Is she avoiding certain foods? Is resting when she needs to and getting enough exercise at the same time? Will she call us with any changes - no matter how small?
Please know that I will take the utmost care of your baby, just as I would my own. While your journey has shown you heartbreak until this point, I have experienced the other side and promise to share that light and joy with you along the way, while respecting you may be hesitant, scared and anxious. We will navigate through this together.
I look forward to when we can chat more - and continue to learn more about each other.

With love from my heart to yours.

Potential Match!

I got the call I was not expecting for at least another month or more - that we have a potential match! I received the call on 7/25 mid afternoon and was shocked to say the least! In a really good way though!
We have a video chat with the potential IPs next week! Anything can happen of course. And no matter what happens - that we both like each other or one/both of us decides to continue looking for that perfect fit - it is another (exciting!) step in the process!

We are officially ...

In the process of being matched!

Now, that could take 2-4 months on average they warned us, but it is exciting knowing that somewhere out there - there is a couple who we will be a fit for (and they be for us)!

I actually found out yesterday - we have not really told anyone so it was weird not sharing with family at our bbq! I wanted to wait until my husband was around to start sharing though!!

Wrapping up the pre-matching details

We are at the tail end of wrapping everything up before we can be matched. Sounds like my insurance will work out as far as coverage, everything from our therapy session and my psych testing came back fine (I was not concerned but I suppose, you can't ever assume on things!).
I also did a little digging. I will not be able to use my midwives at the birth center that I had our 3rd child at. I did however find some midwives that are just down the road from us (by just down the road I mean 20 minutes - but that beats the 45 minute drive to the birth center) that is in-network along with the hospital they deliver at. The hospital is on the newer side and allows for water birth - which was/is a huge thing for me. I have had wonderful water births with our last two children and if all goes to plan, I would like to utilize a birthing tub during this delivery as well. We will have to tour the hospital, but it is nice knowing it is fairly close to our family so we have help with our children when the time comes!

Word has it the matching process may start as soon as the end of next week into the following! I am excited to be moving forward, but also nervous if I am being completely honest. I have full trust in our agency to connect us with the perfect couple/family and make sure everyone is comfortable before moving forward!

"I'll carry your baby!" and minor updates

No - we have not been matched yet. Just to be clear there!

But as I was showering today I had a flashback to high school. I was out of state visiting my best friend. She of course introduced me to all her friends. I met one - we will call her C (to keep her name/information private) and we were talking about everything and anything. Somehow we got on the conversation of children and she mentioned that she was told it might not be possible for her to carry/have children. I remember without hesitation saying "well I will carry them for you!".
Mind you, I was maybe 16. I did not know much about surrogacy, the process and heck, whether or not I would be able to have my OWN kids. I just always assumed that it would not be an issue and I would give birth to as many children as my heart desired.
I just found it interesting and random that that memory was triggered today. If I wanted to get into detail I could probably tell you the shirt C was wearing that day too :) I had not thought about that conversation in years ... kind of makes me wonder the other things in life I have forgotten about!

We are getting closer to the matching process. I have an appointment Monday with a 3rd party insurance review company to give my insurance company permission to talk with them to see what is and is not covered under our own insurance. This will help determine if a secondary insurance plan needs to be taken out by the IPs for me.

I suppose that is all for now!

Mental Health Exam

Well - we just completed our mental health exam. I was required to take the MMPI and the PAI (combined were just over 900 questions!). We had a great visit with the therapist after and talked about a lot of important and thought provoking things. Some that we had talked a lot about and others that we had not really touched on. It was a long 4 or so hours though that I spent in the same office!

Besides our home visit, it was one of the first things that felt really personal. Up until now it has been a LOT of paperwork - and really only that. I have to admit I have been craving a bit of the personal interaction. The actual discussion vs the hypothetical "when we get there" talks. Maybe that does not make a lot of sense written out like this. But it is a good thing.

The therapist also showed us the typical needles for the meds that are used. The little one I did not mind seeing ... the larger one made me a bit more squeamish. Nothing I cant handle but hopefully my husband won't mind helping me out with those! 

I suppose again I don't have much more to update. Hopefully we will start hearing a bit more from the agency soon about the next steps!

home visit

There is no greater motivator than knowing someone is coming to your home to see how you live.

Which means for the past week I have been throwing, cleaning, wiping, organizing, and well, more cleaning ... because I clean my best when I know someone might look.

I also understand why my husband refuses to repaint our living room light gray. I spent 2 hours scrubbing crayon off the walls in this house ... oh boy. Perhaps in a few years when our youngest stops coloring on everything we can revisit that idea!

Until the next update ...

slowly moving along

I had my physical with my OB and was cleared (pending a clean report from the lab, though I anticipate nothing coming up).
I am working on finishing up my profile .. and boy am I finding it difficult. How do you write about yourself in a way that portrays every thing you want it to so someone gets a good sense of who you are? Especially when you don't want to create a novel. I think I have finished it and am sending it off this afternoon with some photos ... but being honest it makes me just a little nervous for some reason!

We are just about 1 week out (9 days actually) from our home visit as well. I feel like I can not get a grip on the cleaning and keeping things cleaned. Especially laundry - oye the laundry!

That is about all for now I suppose!!

a great (short) read

The Surrogate's Point of View

I found this to be a nice little read today! 

I am headed to a Minneapolis Find Your Village gathering tomorrow and am SO excited about it. 

I will have to blog a little about it after ... and next week I get one appointment checked off my list of things to do! My records were sent to my former OB's office and I see him on Tuesday. 

 

home visits and appointments

We have our home visit scheduled for May 19th! That will be yet another thing to check off our list of things to do.
I did find out today I need to find an OB for my yearly exam and for medical clearance. I was really hoping the birth center and midwives I used with our 3rd baby would be able to help with all that, but they need an MD after their name. So back to the drawing board. I am going to have to have my records transferred again and have someone go through it all ... again. I am going to be calling my former OB clinic and see if I can get an appointment with the OBGYN that originally cleared me when we were looking at this back in 2014. Hopefully that will help and he will remember me and remember going through everything. I had zero complications with my 3rd birth so I see no reason for him to find anything concerning! It is just a matter of getting everything faxed back over ... and paperwork can seemingly take awhile.

I am hoping when we get to that point I end up back in the care of a midwife/midwife team - even though I would need to be in a hospital for delivery. It is a bummer I could not be at the birth center. I was so comfortable and felt so empowered there. But I know that I can find peace/power that I felt there - anywhere with the right support team!

So that is where we are at right now. Appointments are being set up and paperwork flying around!

Until next time...

picking up where we've left off

We have started the process of moving forward once again! My third little is still nursing before nap and bed, so we are getting all our other ducks in a row before the matching can begin (I need to be completely done nursing him).

I set up an appointment to update my yearly physical and have some release forms signed saying I am physically cleared by my midwife to move forward. We are waiting to hear on when my daughter has her dance recitals so I can set up our home visit as well. Hopefully that will be set by next week for sometime in May. We have our mental health exam set up (this is where we had to stop the process last time, when I found out I was pregnant with our own!) for mid June. Then I believe we will have a home visit and start the matching process shortly there after!

Almost everything up until now has felt like we have done it before (well, because we HAVE). Now that we are facing new things I get little butterflies knowing we are that much closer to another step in the process and being matched! Being honest, some days feel like I am in a race car on the track, but I am not the driver. Things move fast, appointments being made quickly and while I am the one making them - it feels little surreal. Other days it is like I am on a city bus and we are stuck in traffic and the bus lane is blocked. There is nothing to do and I go about my day and don't do anything regarding this process.

Our third baby. He made me realize as excited as I was before to carry, my heart truly was not set on our family being done at 2 kiddos - no matter how much I tried to convince myself I think I always would have thought about that one more. Right now, I am completely, 100% confident that we are done and I could not imagine any more children of our own. It is such a comforting mind set to be in and have. How lucky have I been in life. I have always wanted to be a mother. It never crossed my mind growing up that I could possibly have trouble. I didn't. Getting pregnant came so easy. I don't want that to come off as bragging. Every time I look at my kids I am so thankful for them and my heart breaks thinking about women and their husbands who have and do struggle day after day. And gay men and women who want a baby/child and are being held back in one way or another. I can't think of a better way for me to give to someone. I love being pregnant. Yes - some aspects, like opening the fridge and gagging because the air is cold, is less than fun. But I enjoy it and for someone to trust ME - to carry their little human. It is incredible all around.