Goodbye Injections

As of Saturday I was officially done with injections.
In total, starting from December 28th, I have had:
24 Lupron injections &
48 PIO injections.
I administered every single one to myself.
Now I am proud - I mean, who wants to stab themselves daily (the answer if you are wondering, is no one. I will speak for everyone on that). But I cant help but think that I did this for only one cycle. One cycle that thankfully took and now a beautiful little baby is growing. There are women though who do this over, and over and over again. And are still left with a broken heart.
While the injection itself does not hurt, it is the knots that form, the blood, the bruises, the little puncture marks that start forming ... it all adds up and when the next injection needs to happen - at least for me - it became a little game at times to just get it done. I could not sit and think about it or it would have taken me forever. I had to remind myself WHY these needed to be done and the minute I did that - I had all the will I needed to get it done.
At the end of all the meds - I have no complaints. Just a little bit more insight of what women who fight infertility are doing day in and day out - and my medications, from reading blogs and instagram pages - are no where near what would need to happen if I were trying to conceive my own child. And again, I said a little - because I will never fully be able to understand or realize the toll it puts on you/them. I never want to sound like I know what infertility is like - because I dont and never will. I only know going through the surrogacy process is like, my feelings and emotions and how it has impacted me.

I have 2 more patches and 2 more suppositories left to do. Saturday at 1pm when I remove my patch, I will be completely weaned of my medications. That is so exciting. And Easter Sunday I will be 12 weeks pregnant. Can you believe how fast it is going?
I am still tired almost all the time. I hope weaning off meds helps a bit. The nausea still exists and hits pretty hard come evening. I have been severely slacking in meal planning. I really should have taken my own advice and done some freezer meals in advance. I will need to remember to do that before giving birth. While I wont have a baby to take care of (because news flash - my IPs will have their baby to love on then!!!) - I know I probably wont want to be cooking either the first few days.
Starbucks is still my go-to. A sweet friend sent me a gift card and I shed a tear using it today. Because hormones are crazy and it was just what I needed. It was very good too for the record. Starbucks just gets me.
Anyways .. I think that is all for the moment?
Back to trying to motivate myself to get some cleaning done!

10w2d update

Yesterday, for the first time in about 4 weeks I did not have to inject myself in the backside. It felt like a treat if I am going to be honest. The actual injection does not bother me, but I was running out of space to do them in the target area that did not have some resistance as I was pushing in the meds. I could also almost guarantee that it would bleed a bit after as well. Since I have done my meds today now, I officially have 2 injections left! I will be completely done next Saturday with the remaining medications! I was warned it may be a, say, trying time emotions wise so I am doing my best to take a breath before I say anything if I am feeling less than happy. I would lie if I said they don't affect me in any way - and that would not be beneficial to anyone reading this and truly wondering how it is going. It is hard, but it isn't impossible. I just take the medications one day at a time and try to stay focused on why I need them right now. I do hope once I am done, some of the nausea will ease up and I will gain a little more energy back. I think the lack of energy has been the hardest for me. I do not feel like cooking once dinner time hits - and I feel so guilty over that. It is a combination of being tired and nausea creeping up hard on me. I actually looked at doing Let's Dish again to get us through a week and the cost was just too much to justify. We are making it work though and soon enough I will be back to enjoying cooking dinner again!

Starbucks has been my saving grace once again. Maybe not for my wallet but for my nausea - and in the end that is all that matters! I do not know what it is or why, but sipping on my (decaf) frapp just seems to make everything right for a while. I have not run into any issues getting my drink made correctly, for the record. So no more tears in Starbucks ;)

I am not having issues going into the fridge - that as an issue with all 3 of my own. However, I can not stand the smell of the over preheating. We will get past this too.

I scheduled my 12 week appointment and NT scan, and my 20 week just to get those on the schedule. Crazy to think we are at a point to schedule the 20 week! It is SO exciting though.

If you see me wearing the same pair of sweatpants - I'm trying. I have reached a point where I don't necessarily look pregnant, but some of the bloating from meds is still there and everything else just feels too tight and makes me feel nauseated. I did order 2 pair today in different colors - I figured they will be handy now and this fall again if not before baby arrives, after s/he does.

We are moving along and it feels good. I am so excited to meet my IPs in person in the next few weeks as well! While this all seems like so much to me with the nausea, exhaustion, ect going on - I can't imagine what it is like for them. I do try and not complain much about stuff (except maybe this entire post feels like a complaint - sorry - I was hoping it came across more of just "hey these are the current facts") since it is what it is.

I think that is all I have for the moment!
Until next time ...

8w5d update

I had my second ultrasound this morning. My whole crew came with - my middle is convinced the baby is in my butt so apologies to anyone she might share that with. We are trying. She is so interested in everything and really takes everything in. 
The baby has a strong heartbeat of 170 and was moving around. I could not be more excited for our IPs right now. Such a beautiful thing to see.

I am feeling decent otherwise ... morning sickness is raging right now. I am loving on almost anything crunchy (veggie sub sandwiches, carrot/celery sticks, kettle chips, pickles) ... as long as it is crunchy I am game. I have no cried in Target since my last incident. Thankyouverymuch.

I received my medication weaning schedule. I am doing my last injection on the 24th - and let me tell you how happy my hips are about that! Here is the thing - if needed I would do these every single day of this pregnancy and not complain. I am just happy that is not the case.

I think that is about all I have for right now!

tears in Target

I think this story is worth remembering ... so my embarrassment is your laugh for the day.

The nausea lately has been pretty bad. I am dealing and trying not to complain, I know it will pass. But it is hard to feel like all I want to do is lay still so I feel halfway okay. I knew it would happen, but it still doesn't make it any easier.
As with one of my other kids, sipping on a decaf cafe vanilla frapp from Starbucks takes away the nausea for a while. I don't know why (honestly, I don't care, I am just happy it works) but it is relief in a cup. Normally a drink like that would be way too sweet - my normal Starbucks order would be a a basic cold brew or iced coffee, but I am sticking to decaf while pregnant and right now that would be too harsh on my tummy anyways I think. 
Anyways.
Knowing we were going to Target, it was all I could do to not run from the car into the store and head straight to the Starbucks. Relief was very near. I go in, order and start watching the barista make the drink. Except she was making a vanilla bean frapp, not the cafe vanilla I ever so politely requested. She then tells me when I question her, she has no clue how to make it decaf. I dont think she would have known how to make it period with the questions she was asking me but that is not the point. So I ask for a refund knowing I could probably talk my husband into going to another store. She cant do that either and tells me to go to guest services to get it worked out.
I was met at guest services by a nice lady who was also pregnant, and I just said "I am so nauseated I just really wanted my drink" and I BURST INTO TEARS.
You guys. I'm standing in Target sobbing over a frappuccino. I explained that I am not always this emotional over Starbucks - that I am on a combination of meds and hormones that are just making this seem that much worse. I just wanted a break from the nausea though - it was so close but so far away.
She was so sweet and went to make the drink herself for me as I stood there trying to get myself under control. My husband comes around and says "I left you for less than 5 minutes" and laughs at me. I deserved it. I was half laughing and crying at this point.
She comes back and was so very sweet. Asked if it was okay and I said yes and thanked her over and over.
The drink was not right, but she tried and I did not want to cause any more trouble than I had. My husband drank that one and every so kindly drove me to a free standing Starbucks after we left for my correct drink.
And we all lived happily ever after. 

So there you have it. Today I cried in Target because the barista in Starbucks did not know how to make my drink.

Cravings and exhaustion

I am going to be honest, I am surprised I have any cravings right now. Normally I am too nauseated to even want to think about food. Though I think I have that slightly under control with this tea I found at Target one day. It is by Pink Stork - their morning sickness relief. I think it is a little spendy - 10 satchels for $11.99 (though I did find a 3 pack on amazon for $22, so I will probably go that route!) ... You can make a few cups from one satchel which is about one days worth for me. So in the end I suppose it is not awful, and better than having to resort right now to a prescription of some sort. If you are nauseated, I do recommend trying it. It has a nice light peach flavor.

Let's talk about cravings though. Boy are they strong. My husband and I went on a little date on Sunday and stopped at this little place called The Roadside (if you are local you should try it). I had these amazing shrimp tacos (hellloooo, tacos!) that were really spicy and just overall delicious. I can not stop thinking about them. I feel so silly but they were just THAT good and I can't wait to grab some again soon!
I have eaten through a 5lb bag of cuties over the past few days - that seems to be a common craving for me thinking about my own kids. Orange juice too. Thankful for this one - it is nice to be craving fruits along with everything else!

I am tired. Not "hey I need to lay down for a half hour and I will be better" but "wow that 2 hour nap did not touch how I am feeling right now" sort of tired. I am guessing it will pass soon. I have to give props to my husband. He leaves the house to work all day ... and has been coming home and picking up the slack as far as cleaning up the kitchen from the day. It is always my biggest struggle with either being just ready to crash, or the gagging over everything. I can cook the food but the smells after are so intensified it makes me gag. I know it is not his favorite job but I could not do this without him.

I think that is all for now!