I thought I would put together a little question/answer page of some things I have been asked when someone finds out I am going to be a surrogate. If you have any of your own questions - let me know! I would love to update the page for others who may be wondering the same thing(s)!
Why did you want to become a surrogate?
Besides the initial morning sickness in the start, I have been lucky to have had 3 easy, non-complicated pregnancies. I actually am one of those people who enjoy pregnancy (and birth!) and everything that comes with it.
I can not imagine life without my kids. It is hard to imagine the roller coaster of emotions that comes with infertility and I never have pretended I could.
So putting those together, it was an easy decision. Why not help a couple grow/create their family, when I really enjoyed the entire process of growing/creating my own?!
Is it your baby?
- No! Not at all. I am a gestational surrogate, which means the genetic materials used were of the IPs (intended parents). The IM (intended mother) had her eggs retrieved and they used the IFs (intended fathers) sperm (or donor sperm and eggs!). I am simply the "oven", if you will, for this baby. Isn't science completely awesome?!
I could never be a surrogate. I would be too sad to give it up.
- First off, with that thinking no, you probably could not be a surrogate. I am not giving up anything, because the baby was never mine to start with! What I am giving is a family the chance to grow their family. I am reuniting the IPs with their baby when s/he is born! I can not even begin to imagine the emotions in that moment - but sad does not come to mind when I think about it!
How much do you get paid? How much to the parents pay?
- Compensation and costs vary. It depends on your agency, type of surrogacy (gestational vs traditional), if you live in a surro-friendly state (some states it is illegal to be compensated as a surrogate) and many many other factors. This process is far from inexpensive for the IPs. I will not go into a specifics here about our situation, but a quick google search can bring up a general idea and why costs might vary. If I was doing this for the money, I would not be doing it at all.
What will your kids think?
- We have had some talks with the older two. Our oldest thinks that it is really neat and asked if it was okay to call the baby her 'surrosibling'. She understands that the baby isn't related to her, like her sister and brother, and that when born the baby will go live with his/her parents. We plan on being very open with the kids and reminding them we are lucky to take really good care of the baby until s/he is ready to come earthside and meet its mommy and daddy. We hope the kids will be able to meet the baby before it heads back to its home!
Will you get pictures or see the baby after the baby goes home?
We hope to remain in contact with our IPs! That was really important to me when going into matching that we could have a relationship of some kind after. I can not imagine connecting and going through such an emotional journey to then not speak after!
Why did you want to become a surrogate?
Besides the initial morning sickness in the start, I have been lucky to have had 3 easy, non-complicated pregnancies. I actually am one of those people who enjoy pregnancy (and birth!) and everything that comes with it.
I can not imagine life without my kids. It is hard to imagine the roller coaster of emotions that comes with infertility and I never have pretended I could.
So putting those together, it was an easy decision. Why not help a couple grow/create their family, when I really enjoyed the entire process of growing/creating my own?!
Is it your baby?
- No! Not at all. I am a gestational surrogate, which means the genetic materials used were of the IPs (intended parents). The IM (intended mother) had her eggs retrieved and they used the IFs (intended fathers) sperm (or donor sperm and eggs!). I am simply the "oven", if you will, for this baby. Isn't science completely awesome?!
I could never be a surrogate. I would be too sad to give it up.
- First off, with that thinking no, you probably could not be a surrogate. I am not giving up anything, because the baby was never mine to start with! What I am giving is a family the chance to grow their family. I am reuniting the IPs with their baby when s/he is born! I can not even begin to imagine the emotions in that moment - but sad does not come to mind when I think about it!
How much do you get paid? How much to the parents pay?
- Compensation and costs vary. It depends on your agency, type of surrogacy (gestational vs traditional), if you live in a surro-friendly state (some states it is illegal to be compensated as a surrogate) and many many other factors. This process is far from inexpensive for the IPs. I will not go into a specifics here about our situation, but a quick google search can bring up a general idea and why costs might vary. If I was doing this for the money, I would not be doing it at all.
What will your kids think?
- We have had some talks with the older two. Our oldest thinks that it is really neat and asked if it was okay to call the baby her 'surrosibling'. She understands that the baby isn't related to her, like her sister and brother, and that when born the baby will go live with his/her parents. We plan on being very open with the kids and reminding them we are lucky to take really good care of the baby until s/he is ready to come earthside and meet its mommy and daddy. We hope the kids will be able to meet the baby before it heads back to its home!
Will you get pictures or see the baby after the baby goes home?
We hope to remain in contact with our IPs! That was really important to me when going into matching that we could have a relationship of some kind after. I can not imagine connecting and going through such an emotional journey to then not speak after!
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